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On numerous occasions, I have equated my motherhood experiences to military boot camp. I am constantly getting yelled at by a small toddler who now demands multiple request by screaming to the top of her lungs. She has become a “first class” baby drill sergeant. She takes no excuses and no mercy. Navigating the journey of motherhood is similar to navigating a path through a hostile war zone. One wrong move, can cause a catastrophic disaster. At anytime, an unexpected emergency can arise, or a financial set back could occur. Millennial moms have to be prepared to handle any situation. In fact, Millennial Moms should adopt a mindset similar to a Special Operative Navy Seal on a covert mission. I decided to create a list of strategies that can be used when times get tough.
- Identify the Problem
When life gets chaotic, you have to identify the source of the chaos. This step is very important because we as humans, have a tendency to treat the symptoms of a problem but we fail to identify and treat the source of the problem. Millennial’s are facing more financial difficulties than any other generation in the history of America. Naturally, one would assume in order to remedy the situation, an increase in income would have to occur. However, increasing ones income would merely treat the symptom, resulting in further existence of the main problem. In order solve any major problem in life, you have to be willingly to make a sacrifice. We have to learn to put of needs before our wants. For example, if money is an ongoing issue, start looking at how it’s being utilized. Develop a budget and stick to it. Be sure to analyze your monthly bills. Eliminate as many monthly bills as possible. If you live in a urban area that has mass transit system, why not make the most of it. Instead of having a personal car, why not utilize ride sharing apps as a primary method for transportation. You can save more money by not having car payment or car insurance payment. If you are at a point in life where you want to major growth and chances you have to make a sacrifice.
2) Turn the Problem into a Play
Life would be so amazing if we had our own personal NFL standard “playbook.” Life would be grand if you could just thumb through the pages of a skillfully crafted play book that helped you navigate life’s toughest situation. Sadly, you can not find this book on Amazon. However, you can be more strategic when dealing with the challenges of life. Once you have identify the true source of your problem, you have to configure different ways to address the situation. For example, if you get diagnosed with a mental health disorder, don’t keep a secret. In fact, you should spread the word. Bring awareness to the situation and don’t suffer in silence. Make sure your family, support system and employer are aware the problem. Most employers have employee assistance programs that offer an array services to employees. By taking advantage of the readily available resources, your problems could play out different from what you anticipated.
3) Keep your emotions in check
This past weekend I encountered an epic problem. I had finally made it to the front of the entrance line for the Disney on Ice show only to realize I didn’t have our tickets. After walking two city blocks while carry a 30lb toddler, I committed the ultimate millennial mom ” f*$k up,” I forgot something very important. I spent so much time early that day preparing for our outing. I double checked my “count down to Disney on Ice list” twice and I still managed to completely “f*$k up.” Yes! I am very anal person and I like to write out “check list” for just about every aspect of my life. Despite my tireless efforts to prevent social disasters in my life; I still found myself at the front of the entry line, face to face with a ticket usher only to realize, I carelessly left our tickets at home. As I stood there face to face with the usher, I felt my heart sink to the pit of stomach. A flood of tears began to form in the ducts of my eyes. I closed my eyes tightly, desperately trying to repress the need to cry like a newborn. Instead of giving into my emotions, I decided to tell the truth. I could have given up and went home. However, I was not ready to write that day off as a loss. In the midst of an emotional breakdown, I mustered up enough strength to stay calm and collect my thoughts. I addressed the usher with courtesy and respect as I recounted the events of that morning which ultimately resulted in me being ticketless. I told the usher that I am a new mom and I don’t have my s*$t together. I try really hard each day but it never fails, I always find a way to fumble the ball. The kind usher took pity on me and directed me to the box office. The box office staff understood the plight of my struggle and they granted me a ticket for admission.
Copyright@2017 by MsMillennialMom.com
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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Where are the Beautiful Black Families?
Instagram is full of surprises these days. So many different walks of life cramped into one app. I am always amazed by the variety of lifestyles found on Instagram. The world is full of fascinating people and Instagram provides a perfect platform to showcase your personal lifestyle. Sometimes certain lifestyles are completely ignored or overlooked. However, I wanted to highlight a lifestyle that does not receive much media attention, The Black Nuclear Family. Black Nuclear Families consist of a father, mother and their offspring.
Black Nuclear Families are typically not found on nationally syndicated broadcasting networks. You probably will not see a Black Nuclear Family on the cover of Time, Us Weekly or Good House Keeping. However, I discovered a beautiful photo on instagram yesterday that really “warmed my heart.” A very tender moment captured by @Libra_And_Aries gave me so much hope and optimism.
As a single mom, I often wonder if my relationship status will have a detrimental effect on my daughters psychological development. I was raised in a single parent household. I consider myself to be very successful. Despite what statistics indicate about people who share my demographical profile, I beat the odds all around.
I am an anomaly in my own right. I have a Bachelors and Masters Degree. I have received countless awards and accolades for my many achievements. However, I often wonder what lessons I could have learned if I was fully domesticated by a Black Nuclear Families. I am grateful for all the sacrifices my mother made in order for me to survive. She didn’t have to do anything for me, motherhood is actually a choice. However, my mother took every fiber of her being in order to ensure my siblings and I had the best.
Although, I did not have the “Rudy Huxtable” experience growing up, I had mother that loved me unconditionally. The truth is this, I will never know how my life would have turn out if I was raised in a Black Nuclear Family. However, I desire to have a Beautiful Black Nuclear Family one day. Until my time comes, I will celebrate every positive image of Black Families I encounter.
As I drove along a busy urban street today, I noticed a young woman walking slowly, carrying multiple bags with two toddlers in tow. As she approached a major intersection, I noticed something terribly wrong. One of the four wheels on the fragile umbrella stroller she pushed was completely broken.
My heart dropped as she struggled to push her dilapidated stroller past my car. The absent wheel caused the adjacent wheel to move wildly as she tried to maintain control. The small child riding inside held tightly to the sidebars trying to assist his mother as much as possible.
I asked myself, how dare you ride by them and ignore what you see? They need help! Immediately, I thought about “my baby’s stroller”, stored in the trunk of my car. She was not in the car with me but I could not imagine pushing her in a broken stroller. In fact no child deserves to be strolled around in those conditions. Without hesitation, I popped the trunk and gave her “my stroller.”
Here is the Kicker, “my stroller,” is actually the stroller my mom purchased from Amazon. Now, my mom is very old school. She is definitely a “spicy baby boomer.” In fact, whenever she purchases anything from Amazon, she does something she calls “research.” I have idea in hell what that process consist of, however she is going to have a major problem with my “Mother Theresa” move. You know, it really does not take much to piss off a “baby boomer.”
I plan to tell my mom I saw a young millennial mom in need. In fact, the majority of young Millennials in this country are facing financial difficulties. Millennials with children face even more hardships and financials problems than their peers. According to PEW Research, 40% of unemployed workers are Millennials. PEW Research also states, “Today’s young adults face more economic challenges than their elders did when they were first starting out.” In fact, allgroanup.com states, “Millennials are the first in modern era to have higher levels of student loan debt, poverty and unemployment, and lower levels of wealth and personal income than any other generation at the same stage of life.”
Millennial moms have tough challenges to face. Many of us have student loan debt that we duck sdodge each month in order to pay necessity bills. Repaying college loans debt is a burden that hangs heavy over the heads of many young adults in this country. In fact, failure to maintain monthly loan payments can result in wage garnishment.
So as I prepare to face the “Kim Jung Un” of grandmothers, I will let her know that I greatly appreciated her purchase. God knows, I appreciated every amount research she put into her Amazon purchase. It was hard for me to make that decision Today. I literally gave away “my baby’s stroller.” Trust me, I am in no financial position to give away anything. These pockets are very tight. However, something moved me to act. I knew that young mother was in dire need of my help. I saw the pain and disappointment in her eyes as she pushed her baby in broken stroller. I didn’t have a monetary donation to give the young mother. However, I gave her a since of dignity and pride instead. I could have drove past that woman and called her pathetic. Instead of turning my wide nose up to her, I decided to step outside the norm. I challenged myself to give away what I could not afford to loose.
2016 COPY RIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
IMAGES COURTESY OF PEW RESEARCH
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A comprehensive guide designed to develop interpersonal relations with your child’s parental figure.
For quite some time, this topic has been passionately burning inside me. Literally, this message has been clawing to get out of my head. This is a very provocative topic. I wasn’t prepared for the undercurrent of emotions that came to surface as I began to write. Although, finding the right words to deliver this message was very tedious. I pressed forward in order to create a written framework that other people in my predicament could relate too.
Naturally, one would assume by reading the title, this piece is about “male bashing.” Negative! I am truly a lover of all human beings. However, parenting in the 21st century has its own unique set of challenges. Sadly, if you are co-parenting with someone who has not come to terms with being a parent than you are pretty much S.O.L. I don’t want my audience to get distracted by the title. In fact, I am going to provide a detailed explanation of the word “F*#k Boy.” My intention is to dismantle the derogatory connotation associated with “F#*k Boy.” Let me be clear, the term “F*#k Boy” is not gender specific. The term has no demographic or socioeconomic boundary. In fact, anyone who knowingly tries to be a hindrance to the another person’s advancement and well being in my opinion is a “F#*k Boy.”
In no way is this a venting post from a psychotic baby-mama. I am not angry or burning with jealous rage. However, as I continue my parenthood journey, I often find myself dazed and confused by the actions of my child’s father. I don’t allow his unfavorable actions to influence my parenting style or the relationship I am building with our daughter. I often take the high road when I feel he is acting in an immature manor. In fact, I decided to share 3 Tips that will provide guidance on how to deal with a “F#*k Boy.” In fact, this blog will feature several articles in the future regarding this topic!
Take nothing personally!
Rule number one is by far the most important rule when dealing with a “F*$k Boy.” In fact, following this one simple rule, will create a pathway of peace in your life. During the immediate months following the birth of Baby T, I found myself constantly dwelling about the father of my child. In my mind, he was intentionally making my life a living hell. In my mind, I would tell myself, “everything he is doing is an attempt to hurt me.” I remember telling myself ” he just wants to see me fail, he wants to see my entire life fall apart and he is probably somewhere laughing at me .” I would tell myself these things because I could not control his actions. I wanted him to be more attentive, financially supportive and loving towards our daughter. I wanted absolute power and complete control. Sadly, I had to learn the hard way.
So, after enduring months of self-inflicted mental torture, I had an epiphany. When this “ah-ha” moment hit me, I immediately felt an emotional burden being lifted from my spirit. I simple began to challenge the thoughts that popped into my mind. I started to ask myself more conscious questions. I asked myself “Why am I always the victim in this scenario?” “Why should I feel bad about his actions.” “Why should I be embarrassed by his actions?” I started to realize I am making this entire situation all about me and how I feel. I also realized the way someone treats you is based on their perspective, level of consciousness and self-awareness. Essentially, if you feel mistreated by someone, please understand they are treating you based on how they perceive you. In this world, I have grown to realize perception is reality. However, every one lives in their own reality. So, with the latter statement in mind, I choose to deal exclusively with individuals who see my “internal light.” I interact with people who bring out the best in me. I interact with people who see the best in themselves. People who feel good about themselves treat others well. On contrary, If you feel like s*$t, than most likely this is how you treat other people. I no longer think about all the things that are not being done by my child’s father. I exclusively focus on being responsible and loving toward my daughter. In closing, when you are dealing with a person with a broken mind, essentially you are dealing with someone with a broken frame of reference. If they treat you unfavorably, don’t take it personal.
Watch your Words!
Communication is the foundation for any healthy relationship. It’s very important to be cognizant of your message, delivery and tone. Trust me folks, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. I will be honest, I am a tall woman who has a strong voice. In fact, several people have told me I have a strong voice that carries across a room. As you can guess, I am not good at whispering! Therefore, I try to be impeccable with my speech. I try to communicate with my child’s father as clearly as possible. Sometimes my emotions block my intended message when I communicate with him. Yes, I curse. However, I try to keep profanity to a minimum but sometimes it feels good to drop an “F” bomb every once in a while. To avoid using profanity or losing my train of thought during a conversation, I choose to text when I communicate with my child’s father. This method of communication has proven to be very effective for our parenting style. Baby T is able to do some verbal communication however, when she is older she will be able to hold her own conversation with her father.
Use Positive Reinforcement!
Learning to kill “F*$k Boys” with kindness is a skill that takes time to master. I try to utilize positive reinforcement at every angle. My intention is to keep the relationship balanced. Two negative entities can not create positive energy. Besides, being negative and nasty never made me feel powerful or effective. In fact, using profanity as a conduit for communication is not an effective way to elicit favorable behavior from others. Like momma always says: “you can get more bees by using honey!”
COPYRIGHT©2016 by Ms. Millennial Mom™
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED