A comprehensive guide designed to develop interpersonal relations with your child’s parental figure.
For quite some time, this topic has been passionately burning inside me. Literally, this message has been clawing to get out of my head. This is a very provocative topic. I wasn’t prepared for the undercurrent of emotions that came to surface as I began to write. Although, finding the right words to deliver this message was very tedious. I pressed forward in order to create a written framework that other people in my predicament could relate too.
Naturally, one would assume by reading the title, this piece is about “male bashing.” Negative! I am truly a lover of all human beings. However, parenting in the 21st century has its own unique set of challenges. Sadly, if you are co-parenting with someone who has not come to terms with being a parent than you are pretty much S.O.L. I don’t want my audience to get distracted by the title. In fact, I am going to provide a detailed explanation of the word “F*#k Boy.” My intention is to dismantle the derogatory connotation associated with “F#*k Boy.” Let me be clear, the term “F*#k Boy” is not gender specific. The term has no demographic or socioeconomic boundary. In fact, anyone who knowingly tries to be a hindrance to the another person’s advancement and well being in my opinion is a “F#*k Boy.”
In no way is this a venting post from a psychotic baby-mama. I am not angry or burning with jealous rage. However, as I continue my parenthood journey, I often find myself dazed and confused by the actions of my child’s father. I don’t allow his unfavorable actions to influence my parenting style or the relationship I am building with our daughter. I often take the high road when I feel he is acting in an immature manor. In fact, I decided to share 3 Tips that will provide guidance on how to deal with a “F#*k Boy.” In fact, this blog will feature several articles in the future regarding this topic!
Take nothing personally!
Rule number one is by far the most important rule when dealing with a “F*$k Boy.” In fact, following this one simple rule, will create a pathway of peace in your life. During the immediate months following the birth of Baby T, I found myself constantly dwelling about the father of my child. In my mind, he was intentionally making my life a living hell. In my mind, I would tell myself, “everything he is doing is an attempt to hurt me.” I remember telling myself ” he just wants to see me fail, he wants to see my entire life fall apart and he is probably somewhere laughing at me .” I would tell myself these things because I could not control his actions. I wanted him to be more attentive, financially supportive and loving towards our daughter. I wanted absolute power and complete control. Sadly, I had to learn the hard way.
So, after enduring months of self-inflicted mental torture, I had an epiphany. When this “ah-ha” moment hit me, I immediately felt an emotional burden being lifted from my spirit. I simple began to challenge the thoughts that popped into my mind. I started to ask myself more conscious questions. I asked myself “Why am I always the victim in this scenario?” “Why should I feel bad about his actions.” “Why should I be embarrassed by his actions?” I started to realize I am making this entire situation all about me and how I feel. I also realized the way someone treats you is based on their perspective, level of consciousness and self-awareness. Essentially, if you feel mistreated by someone, please understand they are treating you based on how they perceive you. In this world, I have grown to realize perception is reality. However, every one lives in their own reality. So, with the latter statement in mind, I choose to deal exclusively with individuals who see my “internal light.” I interact with people who bring out the best in me. I interact with people who see the best in themselves. People who feel good about themselves treat others well. On contrary, If you feel like s*$t, than most likely this is how you treat other people. I no longer think about all the things that are not being done by my child’s father. I exclusively focus on being responsible and loving toward my daughter. In closing, when you are dealing with a person with a broken mind, essentially you are dealing with someone with a broken frame of reference. If they treat you unfavorably, don’t take it personal.
Watch your Words!
Communication is the foundation for any healthy relationship. It’s very important to be cognizant of your message, delivery and tone. Trust me folks, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. I will be honest, I am a tall woman who has a strong voice. In fact, several people have told me I have a strong voice that carries across a room. As you can guess, I am not good at whispering! Therefore, I try to be impeccable with my speech. I try to communicate with my child’s father as clearly as possible. Sometimes my emotions block my intended message when I communicate with him. Yes, I curse. However, I try to keep profanity to a minimum but sometimes it feels good to drop an “F” bomb every once in a while. To avoid using profanity or losing my train of thought during a conversation, I choose to text when I communicate with my child’s father. This method of communication has proven to be very effective for our parenting style. Baby T is able to do some verbal communication however, when she is older she will be able to hold her own conversation with her father.
Use Positive Reinforcement!
Learning to kill “F*$k Boys” with kindness is a skill that takes time to master. I try to utilize positive reinforcement at every angle. My intention is to keep the relationship balanced. Two negative entities can not create positive energy. Besides, being negative and nasty never made me feel powerful or effective. In fact, using profanity as a conduit for communication is not an effective way to elicit favorable behavior from others. Like momma always says: “you can get more bees by using honey!”
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